April 7, 2017-April 8, 2017 – I was hanging out by the ocean with my parents. It didn’t really look like the beach, at least not what I was used to. I swam out near some docks. It was pretty shallow. But then suddenly a huge wave came and flooded everything. It knocked me over the dock right after it did the same to T.J. Miller. It brought me all the way to the shore. It wasn’t really the shore now, though, as it was covered with water. Back at the house that we were renting, I was watching Mr. Robot‘s Season 3 premiere. My mom was walking around. Angela was pregnant with Elliot’s baby. She was hanging out by herself at a diner (and possibly waiting for someone?). She was also working as an exotic dancer, probably undercover. She came back to her booth in her full dancing regalia. She writhed around on the table. It cut to inside Elliot’s brain. A parasite was there and running along. We heard narration from the parasite. Later, I woke up and got out of bed. I paced around a bit. I noticed my grandmother’s head to the side of the blankets in the other bed in the room. It was positioned in a way that made it look like it couldn’t possibly be attached to a body. It was rather cold in here. I turned the A/C up from 67 to 68, then 69, and then it jumped up to 80. I tried adjusting the other A/C unit, which was by the door, but that was even more wonky. I stepped out of the room. I looked outside. It was bright out, even though it was 4:00 AM. It felt Lynch-ian. My mom was walking around. I went back to my bedroom. I looked at my grandmother’s head again. It still looked weirdly detached.


Too Many Ninjas

March 22, 2017-March 23, 2017 – I was at a vacation beach house. Upstairs, some guy was going on about how 30 Rock was no good anymore in Season 3. I passionately responded that it was excellent through the first 3 seasons, still very good in Season 4, and remained always more good than bad in Seasons 5 and 6. I went upstairs to set the record straight. The hater took off. There were about five meatheads staying in the upstairs rooms. There was a pile of papers with 30 Rock photos in a file folder that I flipped through. There were about five bedrooms upstairs. I walked through all of them. 30 Rock was on the TV in all of them. Then a basketball game from last year’s Olympics started playing. I heard from the announcers that a fight was breaking out. It cut to the scrum, which was in the middle of the court. Coach Krzyzewski was punching at the air. Someone said he was going to get thrown out for that. Kobe Bryant and Dirk Nowitzki were the two main ones going at it. A replay showed what led to this. Kobe scored on a layup, and then Dirk (with Kobe right behind him) dunked on a fast break, completely breaking the backboard. The refs should have stopped the game right then. This made me think of Dirk shooting a BB gun in that SNL sketch making fun of Juggalos.  I wanted to mention that to my friend, but I couldn’t remember what it was called the first time they did that sketch. I remembered “Columbus Day Assblast,” though. Then there was another Juggalo parody video playing. It was just some kid on a basketball court rapping at the camera, with occasional white text appearing onscreen.

January 28, 2017-January 29, 2017 – I was watching a meeting between Donald Trump and Barack Obama. They were in some Middle Eastern country. They were sitting  in the middle of a cave-like structure in a big courtyard, very isolated from anybody else. Obama was giving Trump some Middle East advice. Then the walls of the structure started moving forward, and Obama and Trump had to weave around some obstacles. Then they were walking around the courtyard. Obama asked Trump what he had learned. He really didn’t get it. Obama said something like, “No, Donald, you have to listen!” Then Obama was presenting Trump with some typical ceremonial arts honor in front of a crowd of Hollywood types. It looked like they were in a school assembly hall, but a little bigger than that would normally be. The audience was sitting in folding chairs. I stood by the stage during the presentation. As soon as Obama gave him the certificate and Trump came to the mic, the crowd started booing. Trump started doing some performance. He held his arm over his mouth while doing impressions of cartoon characters. I was on stage now. Trump set me up for a line. I walked up to the mic and improvised, “Oh no!” which got a decent amount of laughs. Then I stood off on the other side, on the right. Donald was just flailing and spinning around now. So I went up to the mic and said, “We’ll be back to The Goofy Show after these messages.” And that ended the performance. The big screen on the wall was now showing a Disney Channel cartoon. The channel display looked like that of Comcast. Britt Robertson came up to the stage to give Trump a recap. She was critical, but upbeat. I was listening from in front of the stage. Britt was saying, “When you were dancing around, and then Jeff came in, and that was the right thing to do.”

Roger & Me

January 28, 2017-January 29, 2017 – I was playing tennis against Rafael Nadal. He was about to serve, so I had to run across the court to get to the return box. In the middle of a point, a ball was coming head-high to me on the baseline. I smashed a winner without letting it hit the ground. As the replay played, I wondered if it would have landed out of bounds, but it felt good to hit the winner.

Author Unknowable

January 8, 2017-January 9, 2017 – I had written a series of pieces about Donald Trump – 10, I believe. I was delighted to discover that they had been published as part of a comic book collection. On the back inside cover, there were some short author bios. There weren’t any credits listed with my name, though. I flipped back to the front inside cover, where my name was misspelled as “Joeoffrey Malone.”

I Like Movies

December 29, 2016-December 30, 2016 – Someone was requesting that I talk about three or four movie-related things in addition to the movie reviews I had written. These were opinions for things I hadn’t gotten a chance to see. This person gave me specific prompts for each point. I went through each of them quickly without much fuss. Everyone who was listening sounded impressed.

(NOTE: In my dreams, celebrities usually appear as conflations of themselves and the characters they play.  So if a dream takes place in a movie or TV show, then its characters are usually also the actors that play them.  There a few exceptions: animated characters generally are not counted this way, as they don’t tend to have this same conflated quality.  So, an appearance by Bob Belcher would not also count as an appearance by H. Jon Benjmain.  Also, for fictional characters that have had multiple iterations: an appearance by Batman doesn’t count as an appearance by Ben Affleck unless it is the version of Batman as played by Affleck.)

Community is my favorite show of all time, and even though it did not air any new episodes in 2016, I still dreamed about it often enough for Alison Brie to take number one on this tally (though her total wasn’t as high as in previous years). Joel McHale and Gillian Jacobs were not too far behind.
As for current shows occupying my subconscious? It looks like New Girl reigns supreme, with strong showings from Zooey Deschanel, Max Greenfield, and Hannah Simone.
Griffin Newman had a good year, thanks to The Tick, Search Party, and me knowing him personally.
I have encountered Billy Eichner on the street, though not as often as I’ve encountered him in my dreams.

Alison Brie – 6 (twice as Annie Edison)
Joel McHale – 4 (three times as Jeff Winger)
Griffin Newman – 4
Zooey Deschanel – 3 (twice as Jess Day)
Billy Eichner – 3
Max Greenfield – 3 (each time as Schmidt)
Gillian Jacobs – 3 (twice as Britta Perry)
Bob Odenkirk – 3 (each time as Jimmy McGill)
Andy Richter – 3
Hannah Simone – 3 (each time as Cece Parekh)
Stephen Amell – 2 (both times as Oliver Queen)
Batman – 2
Portia Doubleday – 2 (both times as Angela Moss)
Will Forte – 2
Peter Griffin – 2
John Hodgman – 2
Rashida Jones – 2
Maya Jordan – 2
Marsai Martin – 2 (both times as Diane Johnson from black-ish)
Michael McKean – 2 (once as Chuck McGill and once as Lenny Kosnowski)
Kate McKinnon – 2
June Diane Raphael – 2
Daisy Ridley – 2 (both times as Rey)
Bob Saget – 2 (once as Danny Tanner )
Amy Schumer – 2
Bernie Sanders – 2
Superman – 2
Donald Trump – 2
Kristen Wiig – 2
Adele – 1
Dianna Agron – 1 (as Quinn Fabray)
Ben Affleck – 1 (as Daredevil)
Casey Affleck – 1 (as Lee Chandler from Manchester by the Sea)
GG Allin – 1
Anthony Anderson – 1
Eric André – 1
Aziz Ansari – 1
Will Arnett – 1
Colson “Machine Gun Kelly” Baker – 1 (as Ty from Nerve)
Alec Baldwin – 1
John Barrowman – 1 (as Malcolm Merlyn)
Jay Baruchel – 1 (as Josh Greenberg)
Samantha Bee – 1
Ed Begley, Jr. – 1 (as Clifford Main from Better Call Saul)
Drake Bell – 1
Kristen Bell – 1
Tom Berenger – 1
Craig Bierko – 1 (as Chet Wilton from UnREAL)
Paul Blackthorne – 1 (as Quentin Lance)
Wolf Blitzer – 1
Rachel Bloom – 1 (as Rebecca Bunch)
Emily Blunt – 1
Usain Bolt – 1
John Boyega – 1 (as Finn)
Miles Brown – 1 (as black-ish’s Jack Johnson)
Yvette Nicole Brown – 1 (as Shirley Bennett)
Gisele Bündchen – 1
Tituss Burgess – 1
Brennan Bushee (Jeopardy! contestant) – 1
Aidy Bryant – 1
Candace Cameron – 1 (as DJ Tanner)
Jaime Camil – 1 (as Rogelio de la Vega)
John Candy – 1
Kim Caramele – 1
Jerrod Carmichael – 1 (as “Jerrod Carmichael” )
Keith Carradine – 1
Jim Carrey – 1
Katie Cassidy – 1 (as Laurel Lance)
Johnny Castle – 1
Chevy Chase – 1 (as Pierce Hawthorne)
Louis C.K. – 1
Marcia Clark – 1
Hillary Clinton – 1
Kevin Corrigan – 1
Dave Coulier – 1 (as Joey Gladstone)
Courteney Cox – 1 (as Monica Geller)
Wes Craven – 1
Michael Cristofer – 1 (as Phillip Price from Mr. Robot)
Daredevil/Matt Murdock – 1
Chris Darden – 1
Juan Martin del Potro – 1
Adore Delano – 1
Dana Delany – 1
Julian Dennison – 1
Vin Diesel – 1
Novak Djokovic – 1
Eliza Doolittle – 1
Dr. Dre – 1
Kirsten Dunst – 1 (playing Felicity Smoak for some reason)
Eazy-E – 1
Joel Edgerton – 1
Idris Elba – 1
Elle Fanning – 1
Will Ferrell – 1 (as Ricky Bobby)
Carrie Fisher – 1 (as Leia Organa)
Harrison Ford – 1 (as Han Solo)
Micah Fowler – 1 (as JJ Dimeo from Speechless)
Chris Gethard – 1
Sean Giambrone – 1 (as Adam Goldberg)
Nikki Glaser – 1
Donald Glover – 1 (as Troy Barnes)
Jonathan Goldsmith (The Most Interesting Man in the World actor) – 1
Ryan Gosling – 1 (as Jared Vennett from The Big Short)
Draymond Green – 1
Trent Green – 1
Lois Griffin – 1
Bethany Hall – 1
Mariska Hargitay – 1
Kevin Hart – 1
Anne Hathaway – 1 (as Catwoman)
Tim Heidecker – 1
Ed Hochuli – 1
Willa Holland – 1 (as Thea Queen)
Rob Huebel – 1
William Hurt – 1
Ice Cube – 1
Alex Jacob – 1
Matt Jackson – 1
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – 1
Jake Johnson – 1 (as Nick Miller)
Leslie Jones – 1
Kato Kaelin – 1
Keegan-Michael Key – 1
Anthony Kiedis – 1
Julie Klausner – 1
Chad Kroeger – 1
Kendrick Lamar – 1
Heather Langenkamp – 1
Jennifer Lawrence – 1
Katie Ledecky – 1
Jared Leto – 1
Naysha Lopez – 1
Britt Lower – 1 (as Liz Greenberg from Man Seeking Woman)
Rami Malek – 1 (as Elliot Alderson)
Jason Mantzoukas – 1
Jesse L. Martin – 1
Melissa McCarthy – 1
Charlie McDermott – 1 (as Axl Heck)
Adam McKay – 1
Christopher Meloni – 1
Murf Meyer – 1
Lea Michele – 1 (as Rachel Berry)
McKaley Miller – 1 (as Claire from Speechless)
Garbiñe Muguruza – 1
Kumail Nanjiani – 1
Liam Neeson – 1
Graham Norton – 1
Conan O’Brien – 1
John Oliver – 1
Yoko Ono – 1
Patton Oswalt – 1
Al Pacino – 1
Jordan Peele – 1
Jay Pharoah – 1
Amy Poehler – 1
Danny Pudi – 1 (as Abed Nadir)
Glenn Quagmire – 1
Alli Rae – 1
David Ramsey – 1 (as John Diggle)
John C. Reilly – 1 (as Cal Naughton, Jr.)
Matthew Rhys – 1 (as Philip Jennings)
Emily Bett Rickards – 1 (as Felicity Smoak)
Kenny Ridwan (as Dave Kim – 1)
Julia Roberts – 1
Gina Rodriguez – 1 (as Jane Gloriana Villanueva)
Seth Rogen – 1
Tony Romo – 1
Matt Ross – 1 (as Gavin Belson)
Tracee Ellis Ross – 1
Mark Ruffalo – 1
Keri Russell – 1 (as Elizabeth Jennings)
Mark Salling – 1 (as Noah Puckerman)
Paul Scheer – 1
Marcus Scribner – 1 (as Andre Johnson, Jr. from black-ish)
Yara Shahidi – 1 (as Zoey Johnson from black-ish)
Molly Shannon – 1
Charlie Sheen – 1
Maria Sharapova – 1
Homer Simpson – 1
Jada Pinkett Smith – 1
Jaden Smith – 1
Will Smith – 1
Felicity Smoak – 1 (as played by Kirsten Dunst for some reason)
John Stamos – 1 (as Jesse Katsopolis)
Natalia Starr – 1
Harry Styles – 1
David Tennant – 1 (as Kilgrave)
Abęl Tesfaye (aka The Weeknd) – 1
Maria Thayer – 1
Uma Thurman – 1
Alex Trebek – 1
Neil deGrasse Tyson – 1
Keith Urban – 1
Wayde van Niekerk – 1
Courtney B. Vance – 1
Martin Wallström – 1 (as Tyrell Wellick from Mr. Robot)
Eric Wareheim – 1 (as Arnold Baumheiser from Master of None)
Amber Stevens West – 1 (as Maxine from The Carmichael Show)
Kanye West – 1
Michelle Williams – 1 (as Randi from Manchester by the Sea)
Ashley Wilson (Jeopardy! contestant) – 1
Tommy Wiseau – 1
Andrew W.K. – 1
Breeda Wool – 1 (as Faith from UnREAL)
Wonder Woman – 1